Balance - the Key to Happiness?

I've been thinking a lot about how to find happiness in my own life lately. Not that I'm unhappy, but I do get caught up in the day to day and not smelling the roses, as the old saying goes.

I know that there is no perfect formula to creating happiness in your own life, but I do feel that balance is a huge part in it. I've been adjusting to my new responsibilities as PTO President at the my kids elementary/charter school, continuing to professionally develop myself in regards to real estate, being a mom that my kids want to be around, a wife that my husband desires (or at least wants to be around), and continuing to enjoy and fulfill my church responsibilities.

Balance allows me to know that I'll get to everything else, even while focusing on just one aspect. But I must find balance first. I believe that I cannot do it with the toolset I currently have. I need to grow and expand in order to be able to understand where my priorities should lie and how I can fulfill each one without neglecting another.

Right now, I listen to uplifting CDs that help me to understand my meaning in life or tell me how I can continue to become a better person. I also read books that help me to break through my own self-defeating thoughts. My work environment is also incredibly helpful in increasing my self-belief. Not to mention, I just started 1-on-1 coaching with someone who wants to see me succeed and therefore will help me focus on improving and become a better me - in all areas of my life.

What do you do?

Self-Reliance

After my last post, Segullah was mentioned by two family members as a blog that they liked. I have to say, I'm not so sure that I like it. That might be too harsh ... but some of the writing is not to my taste (too flowery). I know for a fact that others love that, but not my style. It actually hurts my head to try and consume the writing that way.

But then there are others that are right up my alley. In fact, I read several posts today that made me cry .... not just a tear or two, but cry. Losing a child, getting divorced, watching someone go through a hard time.

The latest one that struck me was on self-reliance: http://segullah.org/daily-special/finding-balance-thrift-versus-consumption/. I thought that I had already put my thoughts down on this, but it doesn't appear so.

For many years I've been confused about self-reliance. The church has given us two different messages: be self-reliant and support/give to each other. Okay ... what am I missing? How can I serve or give to others, if I'm supposed to not only take care of my needs now, but put away more for later? Sounds like two opposing messages, doesn't it?

Then one day during a lesson in Relief Society on self-reliance ... 'Bing!' ... the light went on. Oh ..... I get it! If you take care of the things within your home, you have the capability of looking outside of your home to bless others.

If we have extra food stored...

• we can give to a family in the ward who is out of a job
• we can make dinner for a young mother that just gave birth or got sick
• we can make a meal for a funeral or for ward function

If we have extra money put away...

• we can give more towards the ward missionary fund
• we can double my fast offering
• we can give towards a family that has to be for an unplanned funeral
• we can give to a family that has an unplanned medical expense

Yup - I can't tell you how long it took for me to get this concept ... years! I'm a little ashamed to think I was so thick-headed. But I'm really happy that I know it now. Now, I can focus on getting my act together so that I can bless others lives.

Attitude of Gratitude

Apparently, I need to be more grateful. Why, you ask? Because I have had numerous discussions at work from our principal broker, I've read several books recently that have mentioned it, and on Sunday our entire sacrament meeting was dedicated to it. So apparently, I need to keep hearing it.

Now, don't get me wrong......I love this topic. I have a testimony of how gratitude positively affects our lives. I firmly believe that gratitude helps us constantly focus on the positive aspects of our lives. At the beginning of last year, we started doing Thankful Journals (inspired by President Eyring's journal). We didn't end up doing it every day or even weekly, but I've still been trying to write during sacrament each week.

In fact, at work, we write down 10 things we are grateful for and then 10 goals. The best part about doing this frequently is that I don't feel very thorough if I just write down 'husband' or 'kids' or 'gospel'. I now write things that are very specific like 'a husband who has a job with great benefits' or 'kids who are excited about my success' or 'having a foundation of values that ground me and my family'.

So here are a few things that are always on my list:

1. I am grateful for the love and support my family gives me.
2. I am grateful for the excitement my kids show regarding my success in real estate.
3. I am grateful for my testimony in Jesus Christ that I know I can be forgiven of my sins if I ask for that forgiveness.
4. I am grateful for a work environment that is positive and wants me to be successful both in real estate and in life.
5. I am grateful for cars that are working.
6. I am grateful for a home that keeps me and my family warm this winter.
7. I am grateful for my current clients.
8. I am grateful for my leads.
9. I am grateful for books and CDs that help me to culture an attitude of self-improvement and an appreciation for what I do have.
10. I am grateful that I understand how gratitude affects me in a positive way every day.

2011 Goals

As a family, we focused on three 'pillars' of our life where we can set goals:

Relationships

Work/School

Health

It was really great what I saw my kids come up with. Here are my goals:

Relationships

1. Find joy in kids and their happiness
2. Focus on finding balance for myself so I can love others
3. Genuinely take an interest in others and get to know them

Work

1. Consistently call prospects
2. Follow up better with clients and leads
3. Practice learning scripts to increase comfort level with prospects, clients and leads

Health

1. Drink more water
2. Exercise multiple times a week
3. Plan menus and stick to them

I'm excited about the possibilities!

This Saved Our Lives

Do you remember the day when you were going crazy because you couldn't get all of your commitments done? And I don't mean all the ones outside of the home, but just commitments as a mom - like clean bathrooms, laundry, dinner on the table, kids lessons, etc. Was it today, yesterday or what you expect tomorrow to be where you see yourself on your knees cleaning up whatever it is on the floor, trying to get through mounds of dishes, make a healthy dinner, listen to one (or more) kids reading, helping them with homework, smile for your husband coming home, oh, and trying to keep a positive attitude for yourself. Yeah - I was there. And guess what? I wasn't succeeding - in absolutely no way, shape or form.

I had a previous manager that had 10 kids - 8 boys, 2 girls. And he gave me the secret......are you ready for it? The Parenting Breakthrough by Merillee Boyack.

Holy cow! This book is amazing and it literally saved our lives. By saving my sanity as a mom so that I could be there for my kids in a supportive, nurturing way instead of always being stressed - or just living in a complete mess.

Today:

• Our 12-year-old is now doing our laundry (we have a few pink whites, but it's a lesson taught/learned). This is our third rotation, so he knows how to clean bathrooms - inside and outside of the toilet and all, clean up kitty litter, wash dishes - clean the kitchen floor and all, and take out the garbage and recycle. He also knows how to make his bed and clean up his room (mostly).
• Our 10-year-old is now cleaning our bathrooms (inside and outside of the toilet and all) and taking out the garbage and recycle. After our third rotation, he also knows how to clean bathrooms, wash dishes - clean the kitchen floor and all, and wash our clothes. He doesn't do the kitty litter because he is allergic to the cats, so he is our entire house garbage taker-outer. He is also responsible for his bed and room.
• Our 9-year-old has also been in on the full rotations. He is learning the kitchen at the moment and has some 'training' to continue with, but he is trying and he does a good job. He also makes his bed and takes care of his room.
• Our 7-year-old is in charge of cleaning out the kitty litter and setting the table (of course not at the same time because that is disgusting). He already mastered organizing the shoes each day - what a simple thing, but it helped so much. He is pretty good at making his bed and picking everything up in his room as long as he has encouragement.
• Our 5-year-old now organizes the shoes and we are still working on getting her bed made and picking up her clothes/toys. We really have to work on motivation for her - she specifically likes to have someone doing it with her. I'm thinking about job-sharing partners (I saw it on Super Nanny once) to get her to complete her chores consistently.

Our last rotation, we had each of the kids 'train' their brothers on how to do the job. It was pretty great to watch them take pride in what they learned and teach it. We also noticed what the kids missed and probably what should be reviewed with them.

What I like about the approach in the book is that it is all about creating self-sufficient, independent adults. I hear awful stories about kids on missions or in college that have no idea how to cook or do their own laundry. I even heard a story about a woman whose mother came over and cleaned her house while her husband was at work. What!?! Flabbergasted!

The book gives specific breakdowns of what kids can do at what ages. Who thought a 3-year-old could make their own sandwiches? I didn't. But show them how and see them light up. It's pretty cool. It also goes over things that I didn't even think of teaching the kids because I was never taught them.

I'm excited to continue to watch my children grow and subsequently learning some of these things ourselves. :o)

Cooking from Scratch

In Book Club a few months ago, we read a book titled 'In Defense of Food'. This book talks about the trends of the American diet and how we have 'engineered' ourselves into poor nutrition and consequently poor health. One of the things it said was "If you grandma wouldn't recognize it as a food, don't buy it." Goodbye Twinkies! (This book is a must read!)

After reading this book, and also studying the Body-for-Life program and diet, my husband and I have been changing our eating habits for the last year. But I didn't have time to cook like I could/should. Now that I'm home.....I suddenly have more time to plan, shop, and cook. And I discovered that I actually CAN cook! Who knew?!?

A couple things.....I have four boys who like to eat. So they eat a lot and they enjoy just about everything. And I don't love to cook. So, cooking a lot when it will be eaten in an hour and then cleaned up, isn't very fulfilling. But I discovered a book "Fabulous Freezer Meals" at Costco. The author was there handing out recipes and I didn't think twice about it. Until we were about to leave and I read the card. She mentioned that she hated the marathon cooking days to freeze dinners and so she decided on a different approach. She decided to cook 'more' for each meal and freeze the extra. I know it's a simple concept, but I had never put it into place. (She also has bulk recipes for quick grabbing sauces and meats to combine with her other recipes.)

This has been such fun for me. More than the fun of cooking for my family, I am filling up my freezer with homemade goodness and purchasing more core items for my food storage (because I actually know how to cook with them more). Knowing that I have healthy choices readily available for my family is more fulfilling to me than the actual act of cooking. Now it's a win-win situation for me.

And, guess what we've discovered? #1 - we are more full when we eat meals that are cooked from scratch, and #2 - our bodies do NOT like fast food anymore. Even the kids complain about stomach aches if we grab a taco or hamburger.

Definitely a 'keeper' concept for our family!