Balance - the Key to Happiness?

I've been thinking a lot about how to find happiness in my own life lately. Not that I'm unhappy, but I do get caught up in the day to day and not smelling the roses, as the old saying goes.

I know that there is no perfect formula to creating happiness in your own life, but I do feel that balance is a huge part in it. I've been adjusting to my new responsibilities as PTO President at the my kids elementary/charter school, continuing to professionally develop myself in regards to real estate, being a mom that my kids want to be around, a wife that my husband desires (or at least wants to be around), and continuing to enjoy and fulfill my church responsibilities.

Balance allows me to know that I'll get to everything else, even while focusing on just one aspect. But I must find balance first. I believe that I cannot do it with the toolset I currently have. I need to grow and expand in order to be able to understand where my priorities should lie and how I can fulfill each one without neglecting another.

Right now, I listen to uplifting CDs that help me to understand my meaning in life or tell me how I can continue to become a better person. I also read books that help me to break through my own self-defeating thoughts. My work environment is also incredibly helpful in increasing my self-belief. Not to mention, I just started 1-on-1 coaching with someone who wants to see me succeed and therefore will help me focus on improving and become a better me - in all areas of my life.

What do you do?

Fight Against the Flow

Why is it when we are given a very basic plan and shown that it works, we fight against it and don't receive those blessings?

I have a couple examples of this:

Kids vs Chores vs Privileges

The expectation that's been set is that the kids come home and do the following:

1. put away their shoes, coats, and backpacks
2. change their clothes (they wear uniforms to school)
3. have a snack
4. do their chores
5. do their homework

This has been the same routine for over a year now .... and yet .... the kids don't do it each day (rarely do they do it all on their own accord). They know that if they do it without being asked, I'm willing to let them do just about anything.

Success at Work

At work, we are given a very specific breakdown of what to do to receive an overabundance of income:

1. come to training daily
2. practice daily
3. make our phone calls daily
4. talk to our SOI quarterly
5. follow up daily

And yet, less than 50% of the agents in the office do these things regularly. I'd dare say that less than 10% actually commit to these things every day. But those that do, have abundant success.

Spiritual Peace

My religion teaches us that we should:

1. pray in the morning
2. pray at night
3. study our scriptures daily
4. have family home evening weekly
5. attend our meetings weekly
6. fast monthly
7. pay our tithing monthly (or more)
8. fulfill our callings as needed

When we do this, we are blessed abundantly. I know that as I have followed these things more close, my husband and I's lives have been abundantly blessed - more than I feel we deserve.

Why wouldn't we just do these things because we see our blessings when we do? Why don't we do these things because of the see the peace that they afford, but instead forge our own paths? Why don't we enjoy doing these things just because of the positive results they give us?

It's amazing to me that I don't find myself just falling into these things naturally, but I am 'too tired' or 'know better' or 'just am not interested' or 'too uncomfortable' .... etc.

Now ... what will I do about it?

Attitude of Gratitude

Apparently, I need to be more grateful. Why, you ask? Because I have had numerous discussions at work from our principal broker, I've read several books recently that have mentioned it, and on Sunday our entire sacrament meeting was dedicated to it. So apparently, I need to keep hearing it.

Now, don't get me wrong......I love this topic. I have a testimony of how gratitude positively affects our lives. I firmly believe that gratitude helps us constantly focus on the positive aspects of our lives. At the beginning of last year, we started doing Thankful Journals (inspired by President Eyring's journal). We didn't end up doing it every day or even weekly, but I've still been trying to write during sacrament each week.

In fact, at work, we write down 10 things we are grateful for and then 10 goals. The best part about doing this frequently is that I don't feel very thorough if I just write down 'husband' or 'kids' or 'gospel'. I now write things that are very specific like 'a husband who has a job with great benefits' or 'kids who are excited about my success' or 'having a foundation of values that ground me and my family'.

So here are a few things that are always on my list:

1. I am grateful for the love and support my family gives me.
2. I am grateful for the excitement my kids show regarding my success in real estate.
3. I am grateful for my testimony in Jesus Christ that I know I can be forgiven of my sins if I ask for that forgiveness.
4. I am grateful for a work environment that is positive and wants me to be successful both in real estate and in life.
5. I am grateful for cars that are working.
6. I am grateful for a home that keeps me and my family warm this winter.
7. I am grateful for my current clients.
8. I am grateful for my leads.
9. I am grateful for books and CDs that help me to culture an attitude of self-improvement and an appreciation for what I do have.
10. I am grateful that I understand how gratitude affects me in a positive way every day.

Purpose in Life

Have you ever wondered what your purpose in life is? I've been thinking about that a lot over the last month or so.

1. What legacy am I supposed to leave my kids?
2. What feeds my soul now and after my kids are grown?
3. What will my imprint be on the world after I am gone?

At work, we talk a lot about motivation. What motivates you to do things you do each day? Of course, I want to provide for my kids and have a wonderful relationship with my husband. I enjoy learning about the gospel and continuing to grow my relationship with Jesus Christ. I love, love, love learning new things. I really love watching my kids learn new things or fall in love with something new.

Funny enough, when I watched Annie I always wanted to help with orphans. You know "the old lady that lives in a shoe, had so many children she didn't know what to do". Yeah, kind of like that. Leon corresponded with the ambassador to Zimbabwe through high school and fell in love with that country. Ever since we dated, we've talked about philanthropy and serving.

So, when you feel a little down and out, and don't want to accomplish the tasks for the day, what do you tell yourself to get going?

I'm excited to figure out what mine is, you know, really figure it out.

2011 Goals

As a family, we focused on three 'pillars' of our life where we can set goals:

Relationships

Work/School

Health

It was really great what I saw my kids come up with. Here are my goals:

Relationships

1. Find joy in kids and their happiness
2. Focus on finding balance for myself so I can love others
3. Genuinely take an interest in others and get to know them

Work

1. Consistently call prospects
2. Follow up better with clients and leads
3. Practice learning scripts to increase comfort level with prospects, clients and leads

Health

1. Drink more water
2. Exercise multiple times a week
3. Plan menus and stick to them

I'm excited about the possibilities!

I'm NOT Disciplined!

Not necessarily what I wanted to know about myself, but yeah, I'm not. BUT, I want to be. I want to be the person who reads their scriptures every night and says their daily prayers ....... because they want to. I want to be the person that is good at saying "No" to their favorite food because you've already had too many calories for the day. I want to be the one that wants to get up every morning to do the things that you know will make your life better.

Silly .... stupid, one might even say .... and why? Why don't I want to do these things? Why don't I want to make exercise a part of my day because I'll feel better about myself today and for the rest of my life (if I keep it up)? Why don't I enjoy cooking healthy meals for my family each night because it's good for us? Why don't I see the benefits each day of disciplining myself?

Well .... here are a few reasons why:

1. I really like brownies.....I mean a LOT! And one week a month, I crave them like crazy!
2. I love, Love, LOVE to sleep in. I don't what it is about this one indulgence that makes me feel so wonderful about waking up when my body say "time to wake up" instead of doing it to an alarm clock (or sometimes one of our children asking for something).
3. I want to be spontaneous. This one is interesting for me. I want to be the person that packs the family up and drives off the weekend just because we have an extra day off. But then I don't find the energy to do so .... so I want to, but I'm not.
4. I don't want to have to do anything. I want to want to do whatever it is I'm doing. (Does that make sense?)

Last year at the end of May, I quit my job in software. I thought "no big deal." I can make real estate work around my schedule and cover the gap in bills that was necessary. Can I tell you how wonderful our summer was together? We played and vacationed and just spent time together. And I didn't do real estate.

No big deal ... when the kids are back in school I'll just get into a schedule and get it going. Well, apparently that was a big deal because I couldn't do it. Even after we started to get behind on bills and couldn't quite make things work with the money we had, I didn't get disciplined enough. This put a lot of strain on our marriage and consequently our entire family started to feel the pain.

So, when I got a phone call from a local brokerage to come in and talk to them about what they offer, I thought "why not?" I'm always looking for new things I can incorporate into my business/life. Well, what a change it was and I was so attracted to it that I switched brokerages.

This brokerage is like nothing else I've seen before. They are so positive and are genuinely interested in my success. THEY want ME to SUCCEED! They put all their efforts into creating an environment where I can be successful. And what do they ask in return? They want me to listen to positive speakers, surround myself with positive people, come into the office and generate new business, all on my own schedule! In fact, they want to make sure that I don't take anything away from my family in doing all of this.

How many of you can say that you work for a company that does that? Or if you don't work outside of the home, do you have a relationship with someone that does this for you? I can tell you that I didn't before this ..... and this has changed my whole perspective. And it's even changing Leon's perspective because I'm sharing so much with him.

Anyway, how does this relate to being disciplined? I am now expected to have a schedule and be accountable for what I do with that schedule. I can't believe how much time I had that I was doing nothing with.....no wonder I was unhappy and not feeling successful.

Now my goals for 2011 are going to be to make sure I'm making time to exercise, to cook for the family, to spend time with my husband, to make time for myself, to plan healthier menus, to stick to a budget, to make myself the best me that I can. And I can! I can totally do this.

How about you? What have you done to make time for something you love to do? What is changing for you in 2011?

This Saved Our Lives

Do you remember the day when you were going crazy because you couldn't get all of your commitments done? And I don't mean all the ones outside of the home, but just commitments as a mom - like clean bathrooms, laundry, dinner on the table, kids lessons, etc. Was it today, yesterday or what you expect tomorrow to be where you see yourself on your knees cleaning up whatever it is on the floor, trying to get through mounds of dishes, make a healthy dinner, listen to one (or more) kids reading, helping them with homework, smile for your husband coming home, oh, and trying to keep a positive attitude for yourself. Yeah - I was there. And guess what? I wasn't succeeding - in absolutely no way, shape or form.

I had a previous manager that had 10 kids - 8 boys, 2 girls. And he gave me the secret......are you ready for it? The Parenting Breakthrough by Merillee Boyack.

Holy cow! This book is amazing and it literally saved our lives. By saving my sanity as a mom so that I could be there for my kids in a supportive, nurturing way instead of always being stressed - or just living in a complete mess.

Today:

• Our 12-year-old is now doing our laundry (we have a few pink whites, but it's a lesson taught/learned). This is our third rotation, so he knows how to clean bathrooms - inside and outside of the toilet and all, clean up kitty litter, wash dishes - clean the kitchen floor and all, and take out the garbage and recycle. He also knows how to make his bed and clean up his room (mostly).
• Our 10-year-old is now cleaning our bathrooms (inside and outside of the toilet and all) and taking out the garbage and recycle. After our third rotation, he also knows how to clean bathrooms, wash dishes - clean the kitchen floor and all, and wash our clothes. He doesn't do the kitty litter because he is allergic to the cats, so he is our entire house garbage taker-outer. He is also responsible for his bed and room.
• Our 9-year-old has also been in on the full rotations. He is learning the kitchen at the moment and has some 'training' to continue with, but he is trying and he does a good job. He also makes his bed and takes care of his room.
• Our 7-year-old is in charge of cleaning out the kitty litter and setting the table (of course not at the same time because that is disgusting). He already mastered organizing the shoes each day - what a simple thing, but it helped so much. He is pretty good at making his bed and picking everything up in his room as long as he has encouragement.
• Our 5-year-old now organizes the shoes and we are still working on getting her bed made and picking up her clothes/toys. We really have to work on motivation for her - she specifically likes to have someone doing it with her. I'm thinking about job-sharing partners (I saw it on Super Nanny once) to get her to complete her chores consistently.

Our last rotation, we had each of the kids 'train' their brothers on how to do the job. It was pretty great to watch them take pride in what they learned and teach it. We also noticed what the kids missed and probably what should be reviewed with them.

What I like about the approach in the book is that it is all about creating self-sufficient, independent adults. I hear awful stories about kids on missions or in college that have no idea how to cook or do their own laundry. I even heard a story about a woman whose mother came over and cleaned her house while her husband was at work. What!?! Flabbergasted!

The book gives specific breakdowns of what kids can do at what ages. Who thought a 3-year-old could make their own sandwiches? I didn't. But show them how and see them light up. It's pretty cool. It also goes over things that I didn't even think of teaching the kids because I was never taught them.

I'm excited to continue to watch my children grow and subsequently learning some of these things ourselves. :o)

Success in Business = Success in Life?

In a nutshell, I am successful in business. I was made for the job that I had - Systems Analyst/Program Manager for a software company. I LOVED it! I worked with internal customers to identify ways to improve the software for their daily uses and then worked with IT to implement it. This job was perfect for me - because I love to make things more efficient. And I was good at it - I would get recognition as I completed projects. Sounds great doesn't it? Well, the biggest drawback was the big projects. You know, the ones that give you the biggest recognition.

Yeah - at the expense of what....my family. When my kids wouldn't see me before they went to bed - not okay. When I was home, I would still need to get work done and so I would yell at them for bothering me. Not okay. Or sleeping all weekend long and so when I was home, I wasn't 'available.' NOT okay.

Why was I here anyway? To be a successful business woman? Well, for me it was kind of nice. But I also chose to bring five kids into this world and a successful business woman wasn't really fitting into the nurturing mom and loving wife mold. In fact, I was damaging those relationships faster than I could say I'm sorry and will you forgive me. It wasn't working.

So then what? I mean, I make more money than my husband, we still have bills to pay and things were just going to get more expensive as the kids get older, and my company doesn't want me to go. Oh, and it's a recession - where there are millions without a job. So I couldn't just quit! Or could I?