Frustration

For those of you who know me, know that I've been in a black hole for the past few months.  Not that I've advertised it, but I've really been in a slump where it's been easier to ignore the world instead of taking it on.  Leon hates it when I get like this because it's like a roller coaster ride....on top of the world.....in the valley.....on top of the world....in the valley.


So, of course, I've been reading a ton of things to see what is going on and how to overcome it.  To be honest, I haven't loved the answers.  Not because they haven't been good, but because I know I have to change......and change big!  I am always looking for the next big/good/exciting/fulfilling thing.  But that's not necessarily what I've learned.  


Three things I've learned that have struck a chord:
1.  When you are frustrated, it is your mind's way of saying "it's time to change" and it starts looking for it.  It is a way for your body to start the process of getting out of homeostasis.  Homeostasis is the natural process of keeping balance.  For example, the room temperature and the thermostat.  It turns on or off based on the thermostat within a specific, usually pretty small, range.  So when you disturb the balance, it reacts.  "IT" being the universe, your life, your mind, your body, etc., etc.  In order to change, you must introduce a little bit of change over and over again.  (Tony Robbins)
2.  In order to become a master in anything, I must learn to enjoy the repetitive, monotonous activities.  Whoa.  I wasn't expecting that one, but it makes sense.  I'm sure many of you have had discussions about 'living in the moment.'  Specifically, it is a way of taken martial art practices and applying them to every day life.  if I can enjoy the process of doing the dishes, putting clothes away, making sales calls, driving my kids home from school, then I will find fulfillment in my life.  I had never thought of it this way and I think this is going to be the hardest thing for me to learn.  I will have to remind myself over and over and over and over and over again.  (George Leonard)
3.  Embrace the process.  Embrace making mistakes.  Embrace embarrassing yourself.  Embrace looking like a fool.  Embrace change.  Embrace the joy of learning.  Embrace the pain of growing.  Embrace the progress.  Embrace the falls.  Embrace your new self.  (George Leonard, George Morris, John Ciet, Tony Robbins, Patti Cook)


The most important thing, I must start.  But not too much at one time - definitely something I have a hard time not doing.  I must take action....small incremental steps.....and enjoy the moment....don't look for the reward, but the journey.  Being a task oriented person, this is going to be tough.  But I believe it will be so much more rewarding.


Wish me luck!

Balance - the Key to Happiness?

I've been thinking a lot about how to find happiness in my own life lately. Not that I'm unhappy, but I do get caught up in the day to day and not smelling the roses, as the old saying goes.

I know that there is no perfect formula to creating happiness in your own life, but I do feel that balance is a huge part in it. I've been adjusting to my new responsibilities as PTO President at the my kids elementary/charter school, continuing to professionally develop myself in regards to real estate, being a mom that my kids want to be around, a wife that my husband desires (or at least wants to be around), and continuing to enjoy and fulfill my church responsibilities.

Balance allows me to know that I'll get to everything else, even while focusing on just one aspect. But I must find balance first. I believe that I cannot do it with the toolset I currently have. I need to grow and expand in order to be able to understand where my priorities should lie and how I can fulfill each one without neglecting another.

Right now, I listen to uplifting CDs that help me to understand my meaning in life or tell me how I can continue to become a better person. I also read books that help me to break through my own self-defeating thoughts. My work environment is also incredibly helpful in increasing my self-belief. Not to mention, I just started 1-on-1 coaching with someone who wants to see me succeed and therefore will help me focus on improving and become a better me - in all areas of my life.

What do you do?

Serendipity - my new mantra

I read a book when I was younger called 'Serendipity'. It was about a dinosaur (I think) and Serendipity was it's name. It swam .... yup, that's about all I remember.

I've heard the word since then a few times, but never truly understood it's meaning. But yesterday, when a great friend invited me to a Power of Moms retreat, this word was explained to me gloriously!

Serendipity - Merriam-Webster definition: the faculty or phenomenon of finding valuable or agreeable things not sought for; also : an instance of this. Boring!

Definition given by Richard Eyre: a bridge built between spontaneity and organization or proactive and reactive. Serendipity is a state of mind whereby a person through awareness and sensitivity frequently finds something better than that which he was seeking. Beautiful!

I want to be spontaneous! I want to be organized! I want to be proactive! I need to be reactive! And now, I can be it all by being serendipitous! When he described that in order to find these precious moments that allow me to be spontaneous, I must have a direction in the first place. It sure makes me feel good about having a plan in place and trying to follow it. And now I get to look for those Serendipitous moments that will allow me to discover something new or share something new or anything!

He challenged us to look for the moments of Serendipity in our lives - to truly enjoy these moments and to share them with others if possible. I'm looking forward to seeing what I can do to find these moments. :)

36 Years .... and Counting

I'm 36 today .... a glorious 36! I was talking with my husband yesterday about that and about the fact that I'm not sure how I would gauge my 'success' at this age. So, this is the list of what we talked about:

1. I have a home that I'm establishing.
2. I have a great career.
3. I have a wonderful relationship with my husband.
4. I have five beautiful, healthy kids.
5. I have a relationship with God and Jesus Christ.
6. I have an amazing extended family that supports me in all my endeavors.
7. I have friends who truly care about me and my happiness.

Not too shabby! I wonder what I will be able to make of the next 36 years.

Fight Against the Flow

Why is it when we are given a very basic plan and shown that it works, we fight against it and don't receive those blessings?

I have a couple examples of this:

Kids vs Chores vs Privileges

The expectation that's been set is that the kids come home and do the following:

1. put away their shoes, coats, and backpacks
2. change their clothes (they wear uniforms to school)
3. have a snack
4. do their chores
5. do their homework

This has been the same routine for over a year now .... and yet .... the kids don't do it each day (rarely do they do it all on their own accord). They know that if they do it without being asked, I'm willing to let them do just about anything.

Success at Work

At work, we are given a very specific breakdown of what to do to receive an overabundance of income:

1. come to training daily
2. practice daily
3. make our phone calls daily
4. talk to our SOI quarterly
5. follow up daily

And yet, less than 50% of the agents in the office do these things regularly. I'd dare say that less than 10% actually commit to these things every day. But those that do, have abundant success.

Spiritual Peace

My religion teaches us that we should:

1. pray in the morning
2. pray at night
3. study our scriptures daily
4. have family home evening weekly
5. attend our meetings weekly
6. fast monthly
7. pay our tithing monthly (or more)
8. fulfill our callings as needed

When we do this, we are blessed abundantly. I know that as I have followed these things more close, my husband and I's lives have been abundantly blessed - more than I feel we deserve.

Why wouldn't we just do these things because we see our blessings when we do? Why don't we do these things because of the see the peace that they afford, but instead forge our own paths? Why don't we enjoy doing these things just because of the positive results they give us?

It's amazing to me that I don't find myself just falling into these things naturally, but I am 'too tired' or 'know better' or 'just am not interested' or 'too uncomfortable' .... etc.

Now ... what will I do about it?

Self-Reliance

After my last post, Segullah was mentioned by two family members as a blog that they liked. I have to say, I'm not so sure that I like it. That might be too harsh ... but some of the writing is not to my taste (too flowery). I know for a fact that others love that, but not my style. It actually hurts my head to try and consume the writing that way.

But then there are others that are right up my alley. In fact, I read several posts today that made me cry .... not just a tear or two, but cry. Losing a child, getting divorced, watching someone go through a hard time.

The latest one that struck me was on self-reliance: http://segullah.org/daily-special/finding-balance-thrift-versus-consumption/. I thought that I had already put my thoughts down on this, but it doesn't appear so.

For many years I've been confused about self-reliance. The church has given us two different messages: be self-reliant and support/give to each other. Okay ... what am I missing? How can I serve or give to others, if I'm supposed to not only take care of my needs now, but put away more for later? Sounds like two opposing messages, doesn't it?

Then one day during a lesson in Relief Society on self-reliance ... 'Bing!' ... the light went on. Oh ..... I get it! If you take care of the things within your home, you have the capability of looking outside of your home to bless others.

If we have extra food stored...

• we can give to a family in the ward who is out of a job
• we can make dinner for a young mother that just gave birth or got sick
• we can make a meal for a funeral or for ward function

If we have extra money put away...

• we can give more towards the ward missionary fund
• we can double my fast offering
• we can give towards a family that has to be for an unplanned funeral
• we can give to a family that has an unplanned medical expense

Yup - I can't tell you how long it took for me to get this concept ... years! I'm a little ashamed to think I was so thick-headed. But I'm really happy that I know it now. Now, I can focus on getting my act together so that I can bless others lives.

Mormon Mommy Blogs

So I've been feeling quite inadequate lately about how/what I share on Facebook and my blog. I don't write really well, I'm not witty with my content, I don't relate to popular shows or trends, I just write whatever is poignant to me at that moment. (Using the word poignant here is an ode to Mom, an English teacher.) As much as I don't want to care that others are reading, I secretly do want people to read my blog and comment on it. When that happens, I feel like I'm actually connecting to others, and that's kind of cool (fulfilling).

There was the article that came out about women who are not Mormons - far from it - but can't stop following Mormon Mommy Blogs: http://www.salon.com/life/feature/2011/01/15/feminist_obsessed_with_mormon_blogs. I thought "how interesting." So I thought that I should check out some of the blogs that were mentioned. To tell you the truth, I couldn't stand most of them. I love following some of my friends blogs, my cousin, and my sister-in-laws blogs. My favorite posts are witty ones that incorporate real life into fun posts. But the big thing is that I know these people and I care about their lives, so what they say really mean something to me.

Today, I came across this contest: http://www.mormonmomma.com/index.php/2011/nominations-best-lds-female-solo-blogger-2010/. So, I thought "how interesting." (see a pattern here) And I checked out the blogs that have been nominated. Wow .... I really don't like most of them. Some of them were really, really spiritual. Nothing wrong with that, just not my style. Several were very superficial - definitely not what I'm interested in. But there were two that stood out. Why? They are practical. They talk about things that I can relate to. They share stories or just write about them in a way that I could relate to.

So, guess what my conclusion was with all this hype? People like what they like. My style is very different from so many others. But there are a few of you out there that like it and can relate to it. Although, I do think that I will try to find some 'light' stuff to write about and maybe put up a picture or two. Shocking, I know. Don't hold your breath though ..... it will probably take a couple months before I actually do so. :)

Attitude of Gratitude

Apparently, I need to be more grateful. Why, you ask? Because I have had numerous discussions at work from our principal broker, I've read several books recently that have mentioned it, and on Sunday our entire sacrament meeting was dedicated to it. So apparently, I need to keep hearing it.

Now, don't get me wrong......I love this topic. I have a testimony of how gratitude positively affects our lives. I firmly believe that gratitude helps us constantly focus on the positive aspects of our lives. At the beginning of last year, we started doing Thankful Journals (inspired by President Eyring's journal). We didn't end up doing it every day or even weekly, but I've still been trying to write during sacrament each week.

In fact, at work, we write down 10 things we are grateful for and then 10 goals. The best part about doing this frequently is that I don't feel very thorough if I just write down 'husband' or 'kids' or 'gospel'. I now write things that are very specific like 'a husband who has a job with great benefits' or 'kids who are excited about my success' or 'having a foundation of values that ground me and my family'.

So here are a few things that are always on my list:

1. I am grateful for the love and support my family gives me.
2. I am grateful for the excitement my kids show regarding my success in real estate.
3. I am grateful for my testimony in Jesus Christ that I know I can be forgiven of my sins if I ask for that forgiveness.
4. I am grateful for a work environment that is positive and wants me to be successful both in real estate and in life.
5. I am grateful for cars that are working.
6. I am grateful for a home that keeps me and my family warm this winter.
7. I am grateful for my current clients.
8. I am grateful for my leads.
9. I am grateful for books and CDs that help me to culture an attitude of self-improvement and an appreciation for what I do have.
10. I am grateful that I understand how gratitude affects me in a positive way every day.

Hmmm - Could this be our Purpose?

As I mentioned before, I've been thinking about my motivation for doing hard things and what my (our) purpose is right now. In other words, what is it that drives me to make a decision one way or another (like getting out of bed in the morning or doing something a little uncomfortable at work)?

After the kids are grown, I'm sure it will change. But for now, I want to raise my kids to want to serve others and share the gospel. It's something that we've talked a lot with our kids about and started finding ways we can act along with that teaching. The kids have shoveled walks, we donate to Sub for Santa at our work places, we've given from our home to families in need, and we help when asked to help at church, school, or in our community.

But, I kind of want to take it to the next level. I want them to know that there is more than just little things that people are in need of. Like homes, clothing, clean water, healthy environment, etc. So, that's what we are going to focus on.

Sidenote: I have this amazing friend. She has even stated that she's a 'gypsy.' Well, I fell in love with her and her outlook on life the first time I heard her talk in sacrament. And subsequently have loved all the new things she is constantly trying out. I still need to 'stretch' in order to fulfill that, but she has really inspired me to look outside of the norm and seek new things.

On that note, at some point I was talking to a co-worker about the possibilities that would be open to us if we didn't have debt of any kind. What could you do if you only had to have $25,000/year to cover your necessities?

Think about it ..... work a job, any job, for nine months out of the year. Make sure you have enough to cover your needs for twelve months. Then what would you do?

Well, I want to teach my kids service by having them live it. So what programs are out there? After Leon and I talked through this in a lot of depth throughout January, I spent 30 minutes or so researching on the internet. And I found two programs that will allow our family to spend 2-12 weeks on a volunteer vacation in other countries. I know there are more out there too. I'm giddy right now over what we could do.

Not that we could drop everything right now and leave next week, but now I have a goal in mind and can layout a two or three year plan. I already knew I wanted to pay off all my debt, but now I know what I can do once that is done. Something that might drive me to get it done faster if I have the chance. Something that will make a difference in my life and my families lives.

What would you do if you only had to have $25,000 for your necessities and then could save up $25,000 for something else each year? Oh, the possibilities!

Purpose in Life

Have you ever wondered what your purpose in life is? I've been thinking about that a lot over the last month or so.

1. What legacy am I supposed to leave my kids?
2. What feeds my soul now and after my kids are grown?
3. What will my imprint be on the world after I am gone?

At work, we talk a lot about motivation. What motivates you to do things you do each day? Of course, I want to provide for my kids and have a wonderful relationship with my husband. I enjoy learning about the gospel and continuing to grow my relationship with Jesus Christ. I love, love, love learning new things. I really love watching my kids learn new things or fall in love with something new.

Funny enough, when I watched Annie I always wanted to help with orphans. You know "the old lady that lives in a shoe, had so many children she didn't know what to do". Yeah, kind of like that. Leon corresponded with the ambassador to Zimbabwe through high school and fell in love with that country. Ever since we dated, we've talked about philanthropy and serving.

So, when you feel a little down and out, and don't want to accomplish the tasks for the day, what do you tell yourself to get going?

I'm excited to figure out what mine is, you know, really figure it out.

2011 Goals

As a family, we focused on three 'pillars' of our life where we can set goals:

Relationships

Work/School

Health

It was really great what I saw my kids come up with. Here are my goals:

Relationships

1. Find joy in kids and their happiness
2. Focus on finding balance for myself so I can love others
3. Genuinely take an interest in others and get to know them

Work

1. Consistently call prospects
2. Follow up better with clients and leads
3. Practice learning scripts to increase comfort level with prospects, clients and leads

Health

1. Drink more water
2. Exercise multiple times a week
3. Plan menus and stick to them

I'm excited about the possibilities!

I'm NOT Disciplined!

Not necessarily what I wanted to know about myself, but yeah, I'm not. BUT, I want to be. I want to be the person who reads their scriptures every night and says their daily prayers ....... because they want to. I want to be the person that is good at saying "No" to their favorite food because you've already had too many calories for the day. I want to be the one that wants to get up every morning to do the things that you know will make your life better.

Silly .... stupid, one might even say .... and why? Why don't I want to do these things? Why don't I want to make exercise a part of my day because I'll feel better about myself today and for the rest of my life (if I keep it up)? Why don't I enjoy cooking healthy meals for my family each night because it's good for us? Why don't I see the benefits each day of disciplining myself?

Well .... here are a few reasons why:

1. I really like brownies.....I mean a LOT! And one week a month, I crave them like crazy!
2. I love, Love, LOVE to sleep in. I don't what it is about this one indulgence that makes me feel so wonderful about waking up when my body say "time to wake up" instead of doing it to an alarm clock (or sometimes one of our children asking for something).
3. I want to be spontaneous. This one is interesting for me. I want to be the person that packs the family up and drives off the weekend just because we have an extra day off. But then I don't find the energy to do so .... so I want to, but I'm not.
4. I don't want to have to do anything. I want to want to do whatever it is I'm doing. (Does that make sense?)

Last year at the end of May, I quit my job in software. I thought "no big deal." I can make real estate work around my schedule and cover the gap in bills that was necessary. Can I tell you how wonderful our summer was together? We played and vacationed and just spent time together. And I didn't do real estate.

No big deal ... when the kids are back in school I'll just get into a schedule and get it going. Well, apparently that was a big deal because I couldn't do it. Even after we started to get behind on bills and couldn't quite make things work with the money we had, I didn't get disciplined enough. This put a lot of strain on our marriage and consequently our entire family started to feel the pain.

So, when I got a phone call from a local brokerage to come in and talk to them about what they offer, I thought "why not?" I'm always looking for new things I can incorporate into my business/life. Well, what a change it was and I was so attracted to it that I switched brokerages.

This brokerage is like nothing else I've seen before. They are so positive and are genuinely interested in my success. THEY want ME to SUCCEED! They put all their efforts into creating an environment where I can be successful. And what do they ask in return? They want me to listen to positive speakers, surround myself with positive people, come into the office and generate new business, all on my own schedule! In fact, they want to make sure that I don't take anything away from my family in doing all of this.

How many of you can say that you work for a company that does that? Or if you don't work outside of the home, do you have a relationship with someone that does this for you? I can tell you that I didn't before this ..... and this has changed my whole perspective. And it's even changing Leon's perspective because I'm sharing so much with him.

Anyway, how does this relate to being disciplined? I am now expected to have a schedule and be accountable for what I do with that schedule. I can't believe how much time I had that I was doing nothing with.....no wonder I was unhappy and not feeling successful.

Now my goals for 2011 are going to be to make sure I'm making time to exercise, to cook for the family, to spend time with my husband, to make time for myself, to plan healthier menus, to stick to a budget, to make myself the best me that I can. And I can! I can totally do this.

How about you? What have you done to make time for something you love to do? What is changing for you in 2011?

Home Organization (and Dejunking)

So, we seem to have an issue of not taking of 'stuff' as it comes into the house. Therefore, it tends to get stuck in corners and edges of rooms and stacked on counters and shelves. Which I absolutely hate! Have you seen Labrynth? Do you remember when she is being 'brainwashed' through the dancing dream and ends up in her bedroom. An old lady comes in and starts reminding her of all her 'stuff' that she just loves. When she refuses to forget about her brother and then all the walls start caving in with stuff from a junkyard........long story to describe the feeling I get when we get too much 'stuff' in our house and it doesn't get organized. The stuff just starts caving in on me.

So, I joined a 21 day organization challenge found at this blog:

I have yet to really get on board, but I'm trying! Some of the stuff I've already done and some I desperately need to do. It's Saturday today .... my goal is to get some of this done.

Oh, and I also want to paint my living room a delicious shade of yellow. AND make some furniture from www.ana-white.com. I have no idea when I'll get that done! But here's to a new year and new goals!